Is that your final answer?

It's the day of the test. This is it. The final exam. Hands slightly clammy, breath coming up a bit short. You've studied so hard. You even studied for the "just in case" questions. You know those questions the professor might throw in there just because he can. There are known and unknown elements to the material to be covered. It's the unknown that is causing the slight nausea. Class begins and you are given the go ahead. You turn the test over and take a deep breath. Here you go. Did you study enough?
At the end of class you take your test up to the front and hand it over, confident because you have to be. By turning it in you are making a declaration. "These are my final answers."


That's the place I am at now. The plane ticket to Kenya was my answer but stepping on the plane in two days makes it my FINAL answer. I am saying to God, "This is it. My final answer is this - I WILL OBEY YOU NO MATTER WHAT." For my test has been one of obedience.

Will I obey God no mater what my circumstances tell me or look like?

Will I obey God even when life is unraveling around me?

Will I obey God joyfully or begrudgingly?

Will I obey God even though the "just in case" and unknowns are making me feel nauseous?

Will I obey God even when its hard and painful?
Will I obey God when others wound me and betray me?

Will I obey God period?

It was almost two years ago that God called me to Kenya. This trip has been a long time in coming for me. The journey has been long and arduous and we haven't even gotten on the plane yet! In my heart June 13 is the culmination of the journey God has taken me on the past three years - for I was headed to this place before he even called me to Kenya. If you recall when the trip was postponed last year I wondered out loud what God would do in my life (click here to refresh your memory!). Have you ever done that? If so, buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life! This has been quite a year. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV) And how grateful I am for that truth. God is faithful to his word and June 13 proves it in many ways.

Part of my battle has been fear. I'm a recovering big fat scaredy cat! I say recovering because God has proven to me that I don't need to be afraid when I keep my mind on him (Isaiah 26:3). Without even asking for it, God gave me a verse to look at and soak in while I have been healing. And it came in a most beautiful way. If you will indulge me for just a moment, I have a story of God's transforming truth (and therefore his amazing grace) to share with you. (Just think, you get peace and quiet from me and my thoughts for at least 2 weeks before you get bombarded again! - Hehehe)

Last July a precious friend came and visited Colorado. My friend is originally from here but has lived with her family in Kentucky for several years now. She is one of my dearest and best-est (not a word but get over it!) friends. In fact, about 4 years ago God encouraged me to gather a group of faithful women to become a personal prayer team for me and he led me to ask her and I am so honored she agreed. This woman has, with 4 other women, walked through the fire with me, held up my arms, counseled me, and kicked me in the behind when I needed it. It is a beautiful relationship that God has knit between her and I. Anyways, back to the story.
We met for dinner one night and she handed me a gift. She, almost embarrassed, explained that she had the gift for me two years prior but there it sat in her bedroom. I exclaimed that I didn't care, a gift is fun no matter when you get it right?!?! So I opened up a pocket in a beautiful bag she has made for me (she is an incredible seamstress!) and pulled out a necklace. This was not just any necklace. This was one with meaning and little did I know how much meaning. It was a silver shield and on the back was this inscription, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 I loved it, anything with the truth of God touches me and means so much.
Fast forward one month. My life as I thought it was to be had unraveled a bit and I was at a loss. One day I was wandering around my house and I saw the necklace lying there. I turned it over, read that verse again and hope flickered. I put the necklace on and strength flickered. I knew the verse already, but I needed the reminder of God's presence in the midst of my pain and my fear. I had to have many meetings in the months that followed and I wore that necklace as my reminder each time I went into a meeting. The meetings were battles and I needed to know my God was with me. It was a beautiful time with God. The meetings ceased and life began to settle down a little bit.
But then Kenya meetings started and I returned to the strength of God's word inscribed on that necklace. In the past few months God has been speaking so clearly to me that I am not to fear the unknowns and the "just in case" things. I am not to be discouraged when circumstances seem to be against me. He has spoken so clearly to my heart. "Beth, I am with you. You can do this, you will do this because you are precious and honored in my sight and because I have you here at this moment for such a time as this. Beth, I created you as my masterpiece and to accomplish works in my name. Beth, be strong, be courageous. I am with you."

See, my friend thought her gift to me was delayed but from my perspective it was right on time.
So I will answer my own question - what did God do in the past year of my life?

Isaiah 61:3-4 (NIV), "and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations." He graciously gave me beauty for ashes and praise to replace despair. He rebuilt devastated places and restored hope in my life.

Joshua 1:9 (NIV), "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." He replaced my fear with his courage and built into my life a desire to follow him no matter what.

Galatians 1:10 (NIV), "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." He took my fear of man (people pleasing) and gave me instead a desire to please him first.

1 Corinthians 15:10a (NIV), "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." He showed me the beauty of his grace. His grace IS enough and it strengthens me, empowers me, and motivates me forward.

Proverbs 27:17, Proverbs 27:6, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, and John 15:12-13 - He showed me true biblical relationship and he showed me who in my life I had that with. Beautiful!

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV), "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." He showed me that he really does see the beginning from the end and I can trust him with my very life.

Isaiah 30:21 (NIV), "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." He gave me peace that he will walk along the path with me and show me which way to turn.

And most importantly...Song of Solomon 8:6 (NIV), "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." He deepened the bonds of my marriage and made sure our hearts were truly united as one. It has been a beautiful journey to take with Lanny.

There is no way I could be stepping on a plane in two days without the healing touch of God in my heart and life in those areas above. And the incredible thing is, he isn't done yet! And instead of fearing the continued healing I am looking forward to it (Philippians 1:6). So while this test may be complete I know there is another one I need to study for. This was a test, perhaps the pre-test if you will. But I step on a plane for Kenya in two days and the question is, I wonder what God will do in my life because of my commitment to obedience and my time spent in Kenya? Stay tuned...

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

(Oh, and the necklace? Yep, it's coming with me to Africa. Thanks Mondi for the precious gift in God's word...)