Getting in the Zone

But Lord...
This is so NOT me. This isn't what I do. Who I am.

"Beth, who are you to tell ME who you are and what you do? I AM YOUR COMFORT ZONE. You are mine. Beth, get in my Zone."

Ephesians 2:10, "For I am God's masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so that I can do the good things he planned for me long ago."

But Lord....

So I started pulling out all the excuses I could think of. Sad and pitiful I know, but I tried!

But Lord...
I am light sensitive and I won't be able to wear sunglasses over there.
But Lord...
I get carsick and I won't be able to drive over there.
But Lord...
In combination with my carsickness the diesel fuel they use will make me even more sick and then I will be useless!
But Lord...
I get horrible sores in my mouth when I'm stressed, when I haven't gotten enough sleep and then I can't talk!
But Lord...
My body just doesn't travel well.

Yeah. God could care less about my lame excuses. He addressed every single one with me. He started on a Sunday morning with a message in which Pastor Al was saying that we can't tell God, "If you just keep me healthy then I can do _________." It isn't about us! It's about God working in and through us.

I still thought that maybe my excuses had some validity. They were real excuses after all. So I offered those excuses to Pastor Isam. Just like God, he shot them down! So I asked God, what now?

And he told me to just be obedient to each step in the process. When, and if, I heard him say "stop" then I could stop pursuing the Kenya trip. But until then I was just to take each step as it came.

Okay, step one. Go to informational meeting. At the meeting I picked up a passport application and signed up for the Saturday School of Missions 101 training.

Step two, fill out application for the team and wait to be interviewed. Just because I am on staff doesn't mean I will be accepted.

On to step three, School of Missions 101. I went, I took notes, I listened and absorbed, and I didn't get scared by the culture stuff we may run into. Oh boy. I'm not afraid of it, just accepting. Who am I? I don't even recognize myself!

Pastor Isam sets up the interview with me. Step four. I cried my way through the interview - poor Isam - and walked out of that room knowing that God wasn't going to say "stop" anytime soon.

But Lord....

God's Holy Experiment

There is actually only one thing you can dedicate to God, and that is your right to yourself. If you will give God your right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you - and His experiments always succeed.

- Oswald Chambers -

Uh Oh!

July 14, 2005

I am grumpy today. And I think it's because I am so consumed with thoughts of the Kenya team and what they are doing that I am beginning to wonder if I wasn't supposed to be there with them. I never prayed about it and allowed God to tell me yes or no. I just flat out said I wasn't even considering it. So I guess I need to pray about the trip for next September. But the thought that God might say go scares me to death. It's so not me but God reminded me this morning that I am new, I am different now and not myself because of his renovating work in my life. I can no longer use the excuse - it's not me - because he is making a new me. I am scared he might say go but I will if he tells me to.
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So I started to pray. God had me up all hours of the night while our team was in Kenya. He had me praying for team members, for the church over there, etc. I was EXHAUSTED. I cried out to God one morning - July 14, 2005 - and asked him, "What do you want? I need sleep!" He simply said, "You never asked, you just told me." OOPS. Flashback to December 2004 and he's right. I said no. At this point I had come to trust God with my heart so I said, "Fine, I'll ask."

So I started praying and all this is happening while our Kenya themed VBS kicks off. The team gets back on the first day and a couple of team members appear the second day - with pictures. I got a look at the slum, the kids, the team members and felt like I had been there. Uh oh. Then I saw lots of pictures of lots of kids and the strangest thing happened. My arms started to ache to hold those kids. I wanted to touch the tops of their heads and watch them laugh. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh.

I think I'm going to Kenya.

The Preface to the Call

In the fall of 2004 I took a little break from "normal" life and God started me on a journey that continues to this day. In order to understand the call to Kenya you have to first understand what God has been doing in me.

God simply asked me to trust him. The obedience comes later. Isaiah 26:3 (Amplified) says, "You Lord will keep me in perfect and constant peace when my mind, both its inclination and its character is stayed on you. For I commit myself to you, lean on you, and I hope confidently on you." That's where I had to get to first. And before he could ever call me to obedience he had to get me to trust him with my heart. Could I trust God with my heart?

In December of 2004 a friend shared that she was filling out an application for the summer Kenya trip. I was surprised and remember so clearly saying to her, "Well good for you. I told God no." OOPS. God would remind me of that comment down the road a bit. See I was still learning to trust him with my heart.

Fast forward to July of 2005. Beth, do you trust me with your heart? Yes, God, I do.

A place for my stories

Okay, so many people have wanted to know my story on this whole Kenya thing that I thought maybe the easiest way to tell the story and continue the story is to post a blog. That way I don't have to tell it 500 times and everyone can read it at their leisure as well as keep up with what God is doing between now and then. So enjoy...