Uh Oh!

July 14, 2005

I am grumpy today. And I think it's because I am so consumed with thoughts of the Kenya team and what they are doing that I am beginning to wonder if I wasn't supposed to be there with them. I never prayed about it and allowed God to tell me yes or no. I just flat out said I wasn't even considering it. So I guess I need to pray about the trip for next September. But the thought that God might say go scares me to death. It's so not me but God reminded me this morning that I am new, I am different now and not myself because of his renovating work in my life. I can no longer use the excuse - it's not me - because he is making a new me. I am scared he might say go but I will if he tells me to.
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So I started to pray. God had me up all hours of the night while our team was in Kenya. He had me praying for team members, for the church over there, etc. I was EXHAUSTED. I cried out to God one morning - July 14, 2005 - and asked him, "What do you want? I need sleep!" He simply said, "You never asked, you just told me." OOPS. Flashback to December 2004 and he's right. I said no. At this point I had come to trust God with my heart so I said, "Fine, I'll ask."

So I started praying and all this is happening while our Kenya themed VBS kicks off. The team gets back on the first day and a couple of team members appear the second day - with pictures. I got a look at the slum, the kids, the team members and felt like I had been there. Uh oh. Then I saw lots of pictures of lots of kids and the strangest thing happened. My arms started to ache to hold those kids. I wanted to touch the tops of their heads and watch them laugh. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh.

I think I'm going to Kenya.