Juggling Act

I've always been fascinated by jugglers. The coordination and skill it takes to keep several items in the air at one time and never drop any of them. And then equally as fascinating to me is the rhythm that juggling takes. And when one of the airborne items does get dropped the whole cycle stops with a screeching halt. The flow is disrupted.

I feel like a juggler these days. I only have three balls to keep in the air but they are large and cumbersome and I have to be vigilant about keeping their rhythm. If I drop one, will the whole thing come to a screeching halt?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

So because of God's word on this juggling act I am seeking prayer support. My time is not my own almost any time of my life but I feel it especially these days. The mental countdown is on and the heat has been turned up. I have lists floating around in my head and on paper.

Here's a brief snapshot of the balls in the air:

1) I am a wife and a mom. I am the only wife and mom on the team leaving her husband AND kids behind. In fact, I am the only one besides Isam who has kids. But it is different with me. Why is it different when mom leaves as opposed to dad leaving? There is a vast difference and because of it the pressure is on. I have to pack my kids for a week at Grandma and Papa's house. I have to grocery shop and make sure my husband and children have food for the time I am gone. I have notes to write for while I am gone and lists to make of where to find things and how to access e-mail accounts. I'll be gone over Father's Day - no pressure says my husband but I want to make sure he is honored by me even in my absence. And there are a hundred other little things that need a touch by me before I jet off to Africa.

2) I am an employee. And the thing about my job is I don't work I don't get paid. I have no vacation time, no reserve. So the pressure is on in several ways. One is to get the time sensitive projects done and to get my people set up for a smooth and successful month while I am out of the office. The other is to work smart and efficiently and draw boundaries around myself. I have given a deadline of June 6. I WILL leave the office June 6 and not return until July 9. I want to keep that boundary in place – I need to keep it in place for the sake of my own heart and my family.

3) I am Beth, called by God for such a time as this. I have an open suitcase sitting in my bedroom right now and it has clothes haphazardly thrown in it as a reminder that I could and should be packing. Most of what is going to Kenya with me can easily be packed now. I don’t wear these kind of clothes in my day to day life (think pj’s – I work from home!) and the hygiene products I am taking I can pack because I bought them small and travel worthy so I won’t need them before June 14. But I allowed myself to pick one small detail about packing and get hung up on it and now it feels like a monster staring me down. The list of what the needs are is so long that even Lanny was looking at it shaking his head while looking at my suitcase. This overwhelms me. (Remember? I am the WORST traveler EVER.) Okay, put aside the packing. There are other things to think through. I want to make sure I am not so busy and distracted by balls 1 & 2 that I don’t prepare my heart at all for ball 3.

I am asking for prayer support and this is simply what I am seeking God on. Won’t you join me?

I’ve come to the time where now I need to really be purposeful in prioritizing. I need to discern between need and want. What do I truly NEED to get done and what is it that I just merely WANT to accomplish? Can I make the balls I am juggling smaller by removing some things from the “need” list to the “want” list? What are the REAL priorities and what can I allow to let go? I am asking God to give me his “need” list and allow my heart to be released from anything not on it.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the whole Martha vs. Mary approach to life and there is such a balance. I can be busy like Martha but I need to make sure that in the busyness of my day I am sitting at the feet of Jesus, both in a quiet time setting and as I am working through my day. Both are equally important.

Three balls in the air – my prayer is that I can allow God to coordinate their rhythm and flow. “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (NIV)