Have you seen that movie with Bill Murray, "Groundhog Day"? If you haven't don't go rush to put it on your NetFlix or rent it. I personally didn't think it was all that funny (I am sure the hate mail will start to pour in now - people seem to love that movie!) but it provides me with a great reference! For those of you who haven't seen it, here's the lowdown - a news reporter goes to Punxsutawney for the groundhog moment and gets "stuck" in the town by living the same day over and over again. But each day he learns something new about himself and about others. Really I guess the movie isn't so bad in retrospect (with age comes wisdom and all that). Anyway, I am dangerously close to digressing. My point is simply this...when it comes to taking trips to Kenya I am living the same conversation over and over it seems! It's like my own personal "groundhog day"!
If you are on my snail mail list then by now you have received a letter that was eerily similar to a letter you may have received in May 2006. There's a reason for it being so familiar. I had saved that letter...good thing. Who knew I would need it again? Well, God did I suppose.
The December 27, 2007 Kenya elections went badly. Very badly. Lives have been lost, thousands have been displaced from their homes, national security went out the door with the shady election outcome. The majority of our Mathare Worship Center church members fled the valley with the violence threatening their personal safety. I came to discover that the majority of our members there were the "hunted" tribe. Every day for weeks the news kept informing us of the status. The two largest slums, Kibera and Mathare, produced pictures of the violence and like a tragic car accident that everyone can't help but stare at as they drive by so I would click on these images and pray that I wouldn't recognize anyone. You do not know the relief in my heart when emails were returned with messages of "I'm okay" and when I recognized no child or adult in any images the media published.
Oddly enough I was more than ready to get on a plane and get to Kenya come June...or IMMEDIATELY! June couldn't come fast enough for me. The upheaval of the nation made me even more anxious to get there. What could I have done? Nothing. I suppose in my mind I think I could have done something useful but the reality is that I would have been more in the way. So I resisted the urges to drive to DIA with my passport and my friend, Hillary, and hop on the first flight out. "Um, Beth," my inner voice - i.e. Holy Spirit would say, "you have a hubby and kids, you have a job, you have responsibilities. You can't go, you'd be in the way. STAY HERE." So I was REALLY, REALLY looking forward to June. Suddenly I could relate to my friends, Melissa and Kenny, when last year they were chomping at the bit to get on the plane back to Kenya. As I sat in the corner with teeth chattering and bald spots from the stress of thinking about the "what ifs" of Kenya I thought they were CRAZY to want to get back to Kenya. I mean I was going, but as everyone knew I wasn't happy about it and I certainly was only going ONCE. Well. We all know now that I was walking in complete ignorance to the ways of God. Oh, but I am dangerously close to digressing...again. Back to the point.
We had our authentic African family meal January 13. As before (click here for the story of the first meal) it was a great night of becoming the family that the Body of Christ should be. It was so different from my first meal! Last May I thought the chai tasted like...well...grass. Weird. January 13 found me savoring the chai and having that excitement of June press on me with such force that my heart ached. I was tempted to drive to the airport that night.
So imagine my shock when, three days later, I am told the trip was being postponed until June 2009. Oh my. I really wonder what my face said that my mouth could not at that moment. I truly thought Isam was joking with me. I mean what are the odds that this would happen to me TWICE? Once I figured out he was serious the first thing I thought of was "Groundhog Day" and I told him so! It was surreal. It was a rare moment in my life when I was rendered speechless. Later that night Hillary called me to check in. She saw my face when I was told the news. But I was distracted and told her I didn't know what to feel or think. I was shelving it until a later date. Nope, I didn't think I would cry anytime soon, too much to sift through.
The minute my eyes opened the next morning the floodgates opened. I spent the entire day - literally - in tears. Pouring out my disappointment before the Lord, pouring out my frustration that the sin of people costs so much - in this case lives and homes and my trip! (Selfish moment there but it feels good to confess it.) The end of the day found me dehydrated (really) and with a pounding headache.
Andy Warhol said, "Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?" Ah, the truth of that query. Yes, my trip got postponed again. But this time the images have changed. The first time there was relief. This time disappointment. The first time there was fear. This time there is faith. The first time there was weakness. This time there is strength. Yes, I am a study of snapshots but as the situation has repeated itself the images of my heart have changed. Oh the amazing grace of God.
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