My Shame AND My Challenge

We had just arrived at the church for the day and I headed upstairs to stash away my backpack. To get to the stairs I passed by some women, on their hands and knees next to a bucket of water, using hand brooms to wash the cement floor. As I arrived on the second floor I peeked into Teacher Grace's classroom and saw her there, wiping down the table and sweeping the floor underneath it. She headed to a room across the hall where there was a bucket of water and a hand broom and she started washing the uneven floor. Later on that day when we got ready to tell a story to the kids and do a craft, we laid out mats and made the kids remove their shoes before sitting on the mats.

I spent the ride home that day reflecting on the impression God put on my heart the moment I witnessed Teacher Grace cleaning that morning.


I will admit my very first thought when I saw Grace cleaning the dirt was, "Why bother?" And my guess is a lot of you would have thought the same thing. The place is overall dirty. It is tempting to look at it and not really care. But I started to take notice of the care they put into it. There are trashcans in most rooms. They make the kids wash their hands in a bucket after recess. I already mentioned the mats the kids have to sit on shoeless. Every morning the church was buzzing in activity, most of it spent cleaning to prepare for the day.


As I witnessed the stewardship of Teacher Grace I became very ashamed of myself. Not one of those beat-myself-up shames but the kind that moves you to action. I thought briefly of my home that is so clearly a gift from God. I thought of my stewardship in regards to it and I was put to shame. My lack of care in my home or my "stuff" reflects a lack of gratitude to God, a lack of pride, and a lack of honor.


I really took some time to examine this realization. There were a lot of layers to this impression. The first layer was the most obvious, they have pride in their church and an outward showing of that pride comes through in their care for it. The second layer was that I witnessed a proper response to God's provision through their stewardship. As the impression deepened it became much more personal. As I hit the third layer I was hit by what we were doing there. This wasn't us coming in to "save" anyone, this mission was about coming in to serve alongside of brothers and sisters in the Body. This became so clear because here I was, half a world away from home, being taught a valuable lesson by them! THEY taught me, not the other way around. The fourth layer coincided with a surface layer, I did not display a proper response to God's provision in my own life. I wasn't honoring God with how I took care of my home or my "stuff". And at the core was a deep desire to change. I spent the time needed to repent and then I determined my action. My heart is to properly respond to what God provides and gifts me with.


I managed to hang on to this lesson for a few months, but I have noticed that the busier I have gotten the harder the lesson is to keep in my grasp. I looked around my home two weeks ago and gritted my teeth in determination. It did not reflect a grateful heart, it wasn't honoring to God's provision. I made it right and the lesson stares me in the face every day now. It challenges me to honor God daily with everything I have.

My shame has become my challenge. O God may I honor you in my response.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some dishes that need to be done...