The Spirit of Courage

Winding our way through the slum we hopped over streams of sewage, dodged piles of trash, skirted around roaming goats and pigs and arrived at our second home in the Valley that we were honored to visit that day. We filed into this home, slightly larger and brighter than the last, and found seats. Standing in front of us was Wanja and her littlest, Morgan. At two years old he was eyeing us wazungu (white people!) and clinging to his mother's skirt. Wanja shared her story in her native language, Swahili, and Anthony translated for us.

Wanja was married with three children when her husband passed away. His family expelled her children and her out of the home and somehow she found her way to Mathare Valley. Wanja was HIV positive and pregnant. When Morgan was born she was faced with a choice. And no matter what her decision was it would end up meaning certain death for this new little life. Morgan was HIV negative when he was born but he needed to eat to live. And Wanja knew that she didn't have enough money to buy formula to feed him and if she breastfed him he would get the virus and be HIV positive. What to do? She had two choices. Let him starve to death or feed him and give him a virus that would end up killing him someday. Trust me, a mother's heart - a parent's heart - can't take the options that lie before Wanja that day. There is a Jewish Proverb that says, "When you have no choice, mobilize the spirit of courage." Wanja had to mobilize the spirit of courage to make this choice.

The spirit of courage that Wanja had to meet face to face made the decision for her. She breastfed her baby, giving him life and death at the same time.

We all stared at Wanja, twisting a piece of material in her hands with tears threatening to spill over as she told us her decision. And then we all looked at Morgan, with his big eyes curiously checking us out. The sounds of the slum faded away and a silence fell over the group. I glanced around the room to see tears falling down the faces of my team members. Horrified for Wanja, that she was forced to make such a choice. Horrified for ourselves, what would our decision be if we found ourselves in the same position?

Many people will ask, how can Wanja live with her decision? The answer is the same reason why Emma can live with hope. She was rescued from the dark by the One who created her. She accepted the gift of salvation that Jesus offers...freely. Not many things in this life are free but Wanja came across the one thing that was not only free but also gave her the courage she needs to live with her decision every day as she cares for her little boy.

As we left her home she hugged each of us and there was no shame, no despair, no fear evident. She takes God at his word. She knows that even with the hard choices he will not leave her, nor will he leave her children. She walks tall and with confidence because God is her strength, her determination, and her courage.

Wanja is part of a ministry at Mathare Worship Centre called Taraja. This is a group of women who are trained to do different trades such as beading, basket weaving, etc that will enable them to create goods to sell and provide an income for their families. The remainder of the week we would find Wanja in front of a loom weaving baskets and such. Her smile was a copycat of Emma's, it lit up the Valley. We would purposely seek her out just to get a smile for the day.

Sometimes we need a picture of the thing we seek. And all of us seek different things. Courage has always been a hard one for me. I am not a risk-taker, something I think requires courage. I would rather follow than lead because I believe leadership takes courage. I prefer to be told what to do rather than make a decision because decisions can alter life events and I don't think of myself as courageous enough to make a choice. All of these really lead back to risk. Taking a risk requires courage and I am the "cowardly lion"! But I sat in Wanja's home and witnessed what courage looks like, feels like, sounds like. And I knew that if she could make a choice like that then certainly I could rise to the occasion when called upon. I just have to "mobilize the spirit of courage" like she did and go forward confident in God's presence with me.

Hearing Wanja's story that day gave me the picture of courage my heart needed. I think of courage and I think of Wanja.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 NIV)