Finally the night had arrived. Our first team meeting with the new team members for this extended lesson of obedience God has placed me in. For months I have been indifferent, detached to the place and mission of Kenya. Oh, I had moments of intense prayer - such as the whole month of October when Isam went over with our pastor and his family. But other than that and brief moments here and there, life has captured me and held me in its grip. These months God has literally shown me WHY the trip was held. There was NO WAY I could have gone in September and functioned well.
So I have moved with the flow of life and now I have arrived at the reality of June 13, coming at me so fast that I feel suddenly overwhelmed and SCARED. What in the world do I think I am doing? I have a fear in me that is new and unknown. I haven't been fearful about the trip until this night.
I drove into the parking lot and the butterflies in my stomach took flight. What in the world?!? Once I got in and sat down they settled but the reality of this trip hit me as Isam walked us through the itinerary and some of the realities of Kenya. A year ago Isam had given me a book to read. "Africa's Moment." Written a few years ago it gave stark statistics and an optimistic hope for the future of Africa. I had just finished reading it before our meeting and its realities were fresh in my mind and my heart.
I ask again, "What in the world am I thinking?" I left the meeting that night with a fear. Is this really what God means for me to do? The vision I had so long ago is still fresh in my mind - I can literally see myself stepping on that plane. I guess God really means for me to go to Kenya. Huh. It baffles me. All I can surmise is that he has something for me that I am completely unaware of at this time. You can bet that I will be journaling my heart while there.
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