Who me? But I’m just a little mom from Falcon, CO!

God’s ways are beyond my comprehension! I’ve known this, I’ve said this, and it seems to me that for the past couple of years I have been living it! I often scratch my head and wonder at what God is thinking. Last August was no different except instead of just scratching my head and moving on I engaged in a full on wrestling match with God. Kind of like the one that Jacob had with him back in the day. You know the one. Where he refused to let go of God until he got his blessing and he limped out of the match with a permanent reminder of why we don’t win when we wrestle with God! I don’t know that I’m limping but the impression has certainly been made. So maybe I’m limping a little bit.

Here’s the short of the long (I know you are thinking, “Beth? Keep it short? Yeah right!” but trust me, this IS the short of the long!)…

I think the day; the moment of approach is seared into my memory. Indeed I found myself at a crossroads that day. It was another moment to obey or not, to trust or not, to believe or not. I have found that anytime I am face with any one of those choices I am at a crossroads. I didn’t exactly take a good first step.

“Beth, I need you to pray about becoming team leader for the ’09 trip…”
“NO!”
“Um, no see you can’t say no right away…”
“NO!”
“No, you can’t say that. You need to pray about it.”
“NO!”

Well you get the idea. I finally did quit saying no but then I just felt like fainting. Or throwing up. Or both. I felt a little dizzy. I think I might have known the minute I was asked that I was going to have to do it, but a wrestling match sounded like more fun!?!

What is going on here? Lord, do you know I am just this little mom from Falcon, Colorado that has only been overseas once, has zero experience, and oh have I mentioned that I am a woman?!? Men are far better leaders than I, I have been praying for a man to lead the trip. Lord, I’m not a man! This is pretty much how the conversation in my head is going as Pastor Isam is listing out these reasons why he thinks I am the team leader for this trip. I discreetly look around. Maybe we started up a church version of Candid Camera. Maybe I am the first victim; after all I am fairly gullible. But no…I see no signs of Candid Camera. Bummer.

So I had to agree to pray about it. Let me just pass along this piece of advice: if God asks you to do something and you don’t want to and have no interest in obeying him then don’t pray about it. You’ll get the answer you didn’t want. I’m just sayin’.

I gave God a whole list of reasons why I was NOT the person for the job. And they were good detailed reasons. He didn’t seem to care. Huh. And then he trumped me when I thought my husband would never go for this. Lanny was on board long before I was. Huh, that wasn’t good for my victory in this. So I twisted and turned and angled myself around the obvious answer. I held on tight to God and said, “I’m not letting go until you change your mind and tell me I don’t have to!” He never said a word.


We wrestled for four days. Four LONG days. Some of the most miserable days of my life. I pretty much knew the answer the day I was asked but had to engage in a wrestling match anyway. This made things pretty miserable around the Peninger homestead.

Finally I had to cave, to let go. I was exhausted and had no energy left to try and convince God that my way was the right way this time. So I said “yes”. Saying yes to God means saying no to myself. And I was scared. And then God spoke to me through his word.

"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

Well. Alrighty then. Foolish and weak I am. God are you absolutely sure? SIGH. Okay, I’ll do it but I’m not too happy about it.

Lanny and I knew that when we agreed to this role that there would be pain in the offering of myself. We knew it would change our home and family dynamic for a season, it would require me to be gone more – both physically and mentally, it would challenge relationships, change relationships, stretch me further than I had been stretched to date. It would be hard and we were crazy enough to say yes. Being committed to obedience to God is rarely the easy road.


And so my adventures toward Kenya June 2009 started long before everyone else’s. While everyone else was thinking about the holidays I was thinking about team meetings in April and luggage storage in London. While everyone else was thinking about spring break plans I was thinking about in country debriefs. By the time we hit June 10 – departure day – I was already thinking about July 10 debrief stateside! I had already been on the trip in my mind and was preparing for our return.

Yes, my mind was there long before anyone else’s. But my heart, well my heart was having a hard time getting there. My mind seemed to override my heart.


On Friday, June 12 we exited customs late at night and glimpsed Pastor and Mama Karau waiting for us and I smiled. My heart got there.