This is MY now

(Grounds at Little Sisters in Kasarani, Kenya)

Our first day at Little Sisters (our guest house that became home) brought many realizations to my heart. The most profound of them being that in my heart I became settled that this time was my now. That God had, in his great love and mercy for me, delayed my arrival to Africa until the time was right. Although the deepest of thoughts wouldn't hit me fully until a week later, and even yet until weeks later, I did realize immediately that something had shifted in me. I was ready for the now that God had for me.


(The hallway at one of the many buildings on the compound. My bedroom door is the first one on the left. The big cooler you see is the only place we were allowed to get safe drinking water from. Every morning we would fill up our water bottles for the day from this cooler.)


(The inside of my room. The Lion King towel you see hanging was provided by the sisters for our use! Originally we were rooming with each other but when we arrived we found the sisters had decided to give us all our own rooms, it turned out to be a huge blessing!)


(My bed before the mosquito net covered it.)


(This is the room we would hold our team meetings and work sessions in. This is Saturday, June 16. We are redistributing supplies and organizing for the week ahead of us.)


(Working with some of the supplies brought. Kevin, at the top of the picture on the left hand side, bought little New Testaments and wind up flashlights and tied them together to hand out.)


(We washed our laundry in a room and then hung it out to dry. The lines were right outside my bedroom, which is where I took this picture from. Generally if you washed your laundry in the afternoon and hung it out to dry then it would be ready the next afternoon when we returned.)


(The dining hall where we ate our meals. LOTS of good times and laughter happened in here! We also took tea in here every afternoon upon returning from Mathare.)


(Some of us at breakfast our last morning at Little Sisters. Seated at table starting on the left is me, Isam, Kevin, Nick, Robert, Sara, and Hillary)


(The chapel at Little Sisters in which they held mass every morning - the most beautiful music came floating from inside these walls, I was really blessed by it.)

(Little Sisters grounds)

When we arrived with our boatload of luggage and ready to shower (okay well at least I was very ready to shower!) we were given a great gift. Instead of rooming with each other as previously thought, the sisters gave us each our own room! They had even typed up our names and taped them to the doors. Their hospitality was amazing. After getting our luggage into our rooms and figuring out keys to the doors, we had dinner in the dining hall with Pastor and Mama and then a short team meeting in our meeting room.


I felt very overwhelmed. I was on the verge of tears, the kind of tears that come from a heart overflowing with wonder and gratitude at God's work in your life. I stood in the shower kind of in shock, "I am in AFRICA." And yet what shocked me the most was the sense of home I felt. Things about it felt so familiar, so right. I didn't expect that. I picked up my Lion King towel that I found in my room and dried my face, tears of joy mingled with the water, breathing in deep the smell of Kenya weaved into the fibers and a thought came to me unbidden, planting itself deep in my heart (where it actually remains to this very day). As I breathed in Kenya, I breathed out Beth. She was gone, nowhere to be found. Beth, the American had been replaced by Beth, God's vessel. I wiped off who I used to be and with one swipe of my air-dried Lion King towel I wiped on the Kenya way of life for a season. And it hit me. THIS was my now.


Following on the heels of this realization came the words of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 where he says, "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." So I took a deep breath and gave myself over to God again, it wouldn't be the last time I would do this.


The realization that this was MY now wasn't the last thought that would come to me unbidden, planting itself and the truth it presented deep into my heart. And interestingly enough, from that time on the "stink" of Kenya brought peace to my heart. I would come to understand fully what the now God had for me was, but that first night in Kenya I was content with breathing it in and letting myself go.


"There was a time I packed my dreams away//Living in a shell, hiding from myself//There was a time when I was so afraid//I thought I’d reached the end//Baby, that was then//But I am made of more than my yesterdays//This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment. As I look around, I can’t believe the love I see. My fear’s behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt. That was then. This is my now//I had to decide//Was I gonna play it safe?//Or look somewhere deep inside, try to turn the tide//Find the strength to take that step of faith?//This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment. As I look around, I can’t believe the love I see. My fear’s behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt. That was then. This is my now//I have a courage like never before, yeah.//I settled for less, but I’m ready for more.//Ready for more…//This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment. As I look around, I can’t believe the love I see. My fear’s behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt. That was then. This is my now. This is my now." (sung by American Idol 2007 Winner Jordin Sparks)